I wish I could pause time

I wish I could pause time for my two sons (16 months and 2 months) I feel so terrible because I don't mean that in a sweet "aww they grow too fast!" kinda way. life changed so much and so fast when they arrived. I don't feel ok and I am unhappy. I love them both and I am happy that they have life but I hate what it has done to me. It's a vicious circle. I feel so happy when they accomplish something but I feel so much resentment sometimes when I just want some alone time with my boyfriend or alone time with myself. I feel terrible for going to work and terrible for going out. when I'm home with them I just want them to play quietly and leave me alone. it also makes me feel so sad and lonely to imagine life without them. I could never give them away. I just wish I could pause time for them so i could have time to alone and happy again.