HELP please! 😖
I feel so stagnant. So stuck. And just so low. Every single day I wake up at 5 am to do a devotional, plan my day, and just get my mind straight for the day. One of the things I do is set goals for the day (small goals that will eventually lead up to big ones). But I feel so fucking defeated.ive been fighting the hell out of a low low, probably the lowest since right before I found out I was pregnant which I had been suicidal at that point (I’m not now but I am just feeling like.. what’s the point? Is this my life now? Do I even have anything of value to offer?) . I was raped in April 2016 and fell pregnant, I had to quit my dream job, move home, and start from scratch. (I feel like I put a bandaid on a broken leg in this area and it’s definitely time to address and start real healing but don’t know where or how to start) Well it’s been almost two years since my assault, and over a year since I’ve been home. I feel so defeated. Last year my leave of absence at school (it was my final year) got submitted wrong so I lost my funding, so I haven’t been able to go back since I have to complete 2 classes in order to get my aid back, and I don’t have 2000 to blow as a single mom receiving no support and having taken a major major pay cut. I’ve jumped into starting a business I am so not ready and feel so under qualified to do, I was doing physical therapy on top notch race horses before for a very well established company and I have a wealth of knowledge in that realm but it still doesn’t feel like enough. While I know we are always learning I feel I do not have enough knowledge to put my best foot forward and give these horses the best, and I don’t feel nearly as passionate about it as I once did which I don’t know is a true feeling or my emotions talking. Shit I work at a kennel which is so simple a monkey could do it and I keep making mistake after mistake lately it’s honestly scary how forgetful i am. I just feel like I’m trying to hold it all together and seams keep busting out. I have a half assed formal education, I’m a single mom, I’m falling behind on bills. I don’t know what to do, I feel unworthy, underqualified, stuck, and just overwhelmed. I do the best I can but it just doesn’t seem like enough, I feel like I’m trying to swim upstream in every way and I want to just let it all go and figure out what’s downstream, like maybe that’s what I’m supposed to do, I don’t know. My son is very well cared for, I give him the best of the best as much as I can, but damn it’s just I feel like such a failure. I’d really appreciate some help, advice or stories.
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