So much good and bad

pumping. What can I say about it... it’s given me the chance to keep my son healthy, it’s been hard on my body and let me tell you, my once beautiful breasts are now sad saddle bags. Not being able to breastfeed my son was probably the worst part about the last 9 months. I wanted so bad to have that connection and we did and still do continue to do skin to skin and I try to get him to latch but he’s just not strong enough let alone will choke if he actually gets milk. So pumping has been great for him and I have been able to give him everything he needs even if it’s not by mouth. But my body is giving up on me. I had the flu, pneumonia and a sinus infection all of December then I got the stomach flu 4weeks later then I got a small cold. My goal was to pump for a year and try to lose the baby weight. I’ve had moms that

fully breastfeed tell me I’m over reacting and that there’s no reason why my s

upply should be going down. But on the other hand I have some like my friends who tell me how impressed they are because pumping isn’t easy. I feel like I’m giving up, but at the same time I’ve given 9 months of pure pumping, no help from my child to bring the milk down, to stimulate my breasts so they know that we’re actually producing milk for a child. I’m upset and don’t want to stop but I didn’t even get a full ounce when I pumped tonight. But when I look at Emmett, I see his chunky rolls, and how healthy he is and that is enough for me. We have been through so much these last 9 months and my god has he grown. I just wanna say to you moms who are struggling with pumping, push through and do your best and try to care for yourself. It’s not easy being hooked up to a machine 8x a day all while caring for your child.