Told it’ll be another loss

I had my first miscarriage in August a second in November and I’ll have another one this month i opted not to take the pill cuz I figured sending my body into miscarriage would be more painful than letting my body do it naturally I have no problem getting pregnant is staying pregnant there’s no fetal pole doctors are going to run test when my body is normal I know it’s not impossible my son is proof of that. I just don’t know what it is i mean I’m thankful it doesn’t happen later when there actually is a baby but it’s still heartbreaking