This is a long one, so be prepared! I am a Resident Assistant (RA) at my University. I was hired midyear and came into a staff that already knew each other. I was assigned a mentor, and it was a super outgoing, loud, in your face dude. He kind of annoyed me at first, but you really grew to love him. I spent a lot of time with him: movie nights, hanging out in my room, came to keep me company on duty, bought me food and stuff, etc. We go pretty close. One night, we all went out for another RA’s birthday. I got pretty drunk, and wound up in his room. He kept texting me, asking me to come over and a friend brought me there. We hooked up (making out, other stuff but no sex). The next day, we didn’t discuss it. But we eventually hooked up a few more times and we were still getting closer. He came over in the middle of the night and I had asked him if he wanted to have sex, but he got all weird about it and said he didn’t know. Later that night, he texted me saying he was nervous and that he was a virgin. He also said he didn’t know what to do, like about us. That he didn’t want to mess things up, have him hate me especially since he knew we were on the same staff the next year. The rest of the semester went okay, we didn’t hook up anymore but still hung out. I insinuated that I wanted to see him over the summer, we live fairly close to one another. He said that the summer was kind of his time away from people, but he came to my family birthday party I invited him too. Fast forward to the new fall semester. I texted him asking when he was coming back to campus, he said he didn’t know or something. I go downstairs and he is there, greeting everyone on the staff but me. I don’t know why but I was so upset, went to my room and cried. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes, never talked to me and it was like I didn’t exist. At least three times I brought it up thinking maybe I did something wrong, and he said I was pretty much imagining it, yet people on the staff did make comments to me. Eventually it got kind of better. We talked a bit more, hung out a tad bit. One night, a bunch of us were hanging out, and he came back later kind of acting weird. Pacing around, not really talking much. We had started this thing where we snapchatted late at night, and the content was kind of weird: talking about condoms, how he couldn’t sleep, kind of sexual stuff, blah blah blah. He later told me he came to my room wanting to hook up with me, and I told him it wasn’t a good idea because I had feelings for him and that wouldn’t help. Things between us continued to be only contact through snapchat messages late at night, and during the day I was invisible or he was singling me out with a weird comment. I told him to quit it, to respect me like the other girls. And he flipped. Said I was controlling all of his interactions, he cannot do anything right, i’m too complicated. He pretty much disappeared from the staff, and everyone noticed so I attempted to bring him back. And now we are kind of in this weirdness. Can’t really be alone, with other people we just also talk minimally. Something about him fucks me up. I could never have thought I would end up being so into this loud, goofy white boy who used to irritate the hell out of me but now who I just want to look at me again. Our talk is usually just about work, he drove me home to school (4 hrs, alone) and it was great, kind of like how it used to be. Told me some story about a girl he had feelings for back in the day, and said sometimes you have to be friends with people you have feelings for, and said it kind of weird and nervously laughed. But the minute we stepped on campus it went back to the weird. I got the guts to just ask him (over text where all these convos take place because he can’t do in person no matter how much I tried) what he meant it all to be: a hookup, afraid because we worked together, he didn’t want to get hurt/hurt me, he just plain didn’t have feelings. And he said that he didn’t want to get involved with someone who he worked with because it would get messy. That he didn’t know what his feelings were and didn’t want to string me along. Man, I just wanted him to say yup, you were a hookup or nah no feelings there. He said his problem was that “he cares more than just physical.” What the hell does that mean? I feel like he is afraid of something. My friends say I make up so many excuses and give him so many chances because he has been so hurt in his life by girls and just in general. And I probably do, and always will. It’s just like a feeling I have, that there was something. He acted so different when we were alone and cared so much about me, more than a hook up would. He asked about my life and gave a shit, remembered things about me and we used to text everyday. The kind of texts where you text the next morning apologizing for falling asleep; those kinds of conversations. Something about him. I miss our friendship, and wonder if I would have said or did anything different in the beginning, that night he was nervous about it all for instance, if there could have been something. I told him I was afraid too, but I knew my feelings were so real and different that I didn’t care, kind of was willing to get hurt a little. I get ridiculously jealous when other girls flirt with him or he gives other girls attention. It is better now, we can talk in person and it’s nice. I feel like i’l always texting him stupid stuff just because I like talking to him or will go out of my way to ask him a question I damn well could ask anyone else we work with. He used to ask me about my ex, who broke up our two year relationship over a text, and how rocky it was losing someone I was ridiculously in love with. He knew it all, and still went forward with it, and then left me out to dry. He has a habit of just ignoring his problems and he can delete someone from his life quick. But i’m the opposite, I get so attached and take it all to heart. He says the decision with us wasn’t easy, but I wonder if he thinks about me how often I think about him. And how much I love his hair and eyes and the way his cologne smells and his room and how comfortable he is. I wish I knew. Our conversations seemed to move in circles, but I have to do better for me and forget about it like my friends say, but I am just so into him. Why. Help.