Late at night when I can't sleep, and all I can do is think, I think of you. And I wonder if you think of me too. And that's not fair. Because we are both trying to move on, and focus on other things.

So I try to get my mind off of you. I try to think of the most random things you could ever think of, just to not have you cross my mind.

I think of cotton candy clouds, or dogs licking peanut butter. I think of things like monsters... vampires, demons, or Godzilla. But then I get scared and want you next to me. I shake my head, thinking if I shake my head enough, the thought of you will just fall out.

Try to move on to a different subject. Maybe something more realistic. Like school.

"I can think about school," I say to myself. "Let me think about the test that is next week. Who do I need to study with?"

But then I remember. That's how we met. Studying in the same class together... I thought you were brilliant. And always wanted you to teach me things. And then I started falling for you.

And I made jokes to myself about how you should teach me aerodynamics because my heart has wings. Or you should teach me chemistry because there was some between you and me. But no. The worst joke in my head was from the class we were in together. Anatomy. And you taught me that. And I couldn't help but laugh in my head because I kept thinking that I was eyeing your body..

You're the boy who I promised forever to. And wether it's the middle of the night or the middle of the day, I can't help but dream of the future we could have had together.

We talked about kids. You wanted four. We always said two boys and two girls. A dog. Or three... You don't like cats. I could always imagine the house we would live in. You've lived in the same place all your life. And I've moved so many times I've lost count. I liked the idea of stability and having my kids growing up in one place. And you were my statue. Always there. But then somewhere along the way that changed. I don't know what you want anymore.

You crumbled. You need space. An earth quake hit and my statue fell to pieces. I don't know where I went wrong. I believe I was a statue too. Not in the traditional since where I was stable and you can always count on it. Not in the traditional since, like you. More like I was a statue. And once I fell for you I broke. And then I kept breaking. And now I'm shattered because you're gone. Maybe time and some glue can help fix both of us...

Love,

The girl who still believes in the future