When you become a parent

Question

Did you realize how terrible yours are? Thinking of things that your parents did/still do and think “holy crap I’d never do that”. And I don’t mean deciding whether or not your kid is gonna drink soda or juice before bed kind of stuff. Like toxic, emotional drama. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to be on my “high horse”, I already get crap for being financially stable, as if that’s a bad thing. As if that’s something to be sorry for. Some people are just so negative and will always be. I didn’t have grandparents growing up and I was happy to know my kid would have both sets but knowing how draining they can be makes me wonder if it’s worth having them around

Answer

I knew my mom was a terrible parent before even leaving home. just enforced what NOT to do as a mom

Answer

❤️ I absolutely understand what you’re saying. 
My family is so toxic and abusive that I’ve decided it is in everyone’s best interest that they not have anything to do with my child. 
My husbands family while quirky and a pain aren’t malicious. His mother just requires firm boundaries and his dad stern reminders. Both of which are VERY so able. 
The best advice I can give is that if you feel that a family member is toxic and abusive then there is no need to continue the relationship. Just because someone is related to you it doesn’t mean they have the right to be abusive!!!!

Answer

I can totally relate to this. After my oldest was born, I really started seeing all of the bad things because I lived with them. I was a single parent and couldn’t afford to live on my own. They pushed my boundaries, tried to make me feel guilty all the time, held the help they gave to me over my head and my mother threatened to kick me out and stop watching my son if I didn’t do what she wanted. It was very toxic and unhealthy for all of us. So bad that they basically were taking over the parent roll with my son and pushing me out. I was depressed, started drinking a lot and i hated myself for not being stronger for my son. 
When my husband came in to the picture, we moved out of my parents house, put my son in daycare, and started distancing ourselves from them because of the fucked up relationship they had with me and my child. After my second son was born, my mom started doing drugs again and we barely saw them. When I got pregnant with my 3rd, she was clean and then started doing drugs again after I told her there would be no more chances. I haven’t talked to my parents in almost a year. Between the drugs and abuse, it wasn’t worth them being a part of my family’s life anymore. Blood is not a pass to be a shitty human being. You are not obligated to have a relationship with anyone, including family and even your parents. It’s sad and it sucks but for me, it was the most freeing decision I ever made.

Answer

I understand some of the crazy ish my mom and dad did now.  Also, I am surprised I made it out of childhood alive.  (Grew up on a farm and rode on the fenders of tractors all.the.time).
My mom would come home and all 6 of us would be like “Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!” - kind of like the birds that say “Mine” on Finding Nemo - she would always say, “Don’t call me that.  That’s not my name.”  It was very frustrating to hear as a kid, but I understand it now.

Answer

My mom taught me how NOT to parent and how NOT to be a wife. She's a very toxic person in my life and it's really shaped me to be who I am now. My parents divorced in 2013 and that's when I decided to eliminate her from my life. When we had our daughter last spring, I did nothing but cry and hold her because I just couldn't imagine ever treating her the way my mom treated me growing up and even now as an adult. I have zero regrets removing my mom from my life. I'm so fortunate to have an amazing stepmom and mother in law that my daughter can call grandma. My husband and I only surround ourselves with good, positive people. There's no room for that kind of negativity here.

When you become a parent

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