Just a Rant (advise not necessary but it never hurts)

i just need to get this out of my head and have actual people hear it so here goes.

let’s start with a little background info: there’s this guy (let’s call him UH) who liked me at one point and stuff happened but me, being a stubborn asshole who doesn’t like to admit her feelings, didn’t let it go any further than that. we stayed friends and it was all nice and dandy for a WHILE. then we started spending more time with just each other and that lead to me realizing i still had feelings for him. (that had been coming on for a while tho, sooo). ANYWAY. we were talking one night and he decides to admit that HE still has feelings for me so i kinda just said fuck it and told him i did too. (this is where it kinda goes to the present.) me being the hopeful sort thought something MIGHT actually happen. well. i asked him if he wanted anything to happen with us and he said no. i honestly thought he would’ve said yes just bc if the way he was acting towards me, but whatever. i come to find out that he was also talking to one of my closest friends. (i’m still friends with her bc she’s literally the best, but that’s besides the point.) knowing that he’s gonna be trying with her and straight up refused to with me... it hurts. i’m still close with both of them. and knowing all of this is hard. and she doesn’t really have a clue that we were talking. she knew about the initial stuff but the more recent shit... she has no idea. i don’t begrudge them anything, it just hurts i guess.