How i feel about my body (rant).

I hate it with a passion. I'm fat in my eyes, but everyone says I'm not. I see it. I see the pudge, the way clothes don't look flattering which makes me change multiple times a day, the way I bloat what I eat. I've stopped eating a lot, but I'm still gaining weight and I hate it. I don't like the way my body looks in the mirror-- it makes things worse so I try to avoid it. I'm gradually getting closer to falling back into old habits, I've started using weight loss pills to help me, I've started eating less, the only thing that's missing is exercise, counting calories and a scale. it's always been this way, though, and it's haunting me.