Not sure where to post, but just really needed to vent. Hopefully my post isn't TOO long! Here it goes:

Currently I'm nearly 19 weeks pregnant with my 🌈, after having two miscarriages within the year before our baby was conceived.

The other night my brother and sister in law (husband's brother) announced that they too are expecting (I knew they'd been trying for almost a year). While I'm genuinely happy and excited for them, the news has brought up some hard emotions for me, for three reasons:

1. Everyone I know who's also pregnant right now has never had a miscarriage. Even if it took them some time to conceive, they never had to experience the agony of losing their first (and second) pregnancy. I know I'm far from being the only person out there who's had losses, but in my circle it seems like no one else was forced to go through a year of complete heartbreak to get there. I love them and wish them all healthy pregnancies-it's just hard to feel like I'm alone and the only "failure".

2. I know it seems like I'm being a petty brat for feeling this way, but part of me can't help but feel their pregnancy is stealing my (our) thunder. My husband and I are a little older than them, and we've been married longer (not by too much on either account, but still)-and after all we've been through, I was looking forward to having the first baby/grandchild on that side of the family. Our baby will be born first, but only by two months. I know this likely isn't true, but the announcement made me feel like suddenly my pregnancy/baby won't be seen as special to the family anymore.

3. The announcement brought up old feelings of resentment I had felt toward my husband, since I was ready to start our family a whole year before he was. For the record, my husband is an easygoing, committed, and caring partner, and I love him more than anything. We did discuss this issue in the past, so I don't wanna bring it up to him again. I know he truly loves me and is thrilled to be a dad soon. It's just the news brought up jealousy at the fact that my brother in law didn't make his wife wait when she was ready-why did MY man make me sit around and wait/waste a perfectly good fertile year??! When my husband wasn't ready, he said he didn't feel financially comfortable yet. He makes more than his brother, so it seems like that past reason was a poor excuse. I know every couple is different, but still...

I know that I need to keep my past miscarriages and past issues behind me. I am so grateful that we finally have a healthy pregnancy, and I'm doing my best to stay positive and focus on our baby's arrival. I had been doing pretty good, but then this family news threw me for a loop! In spite of my vent, I am happy for my in-laws' baby's arrival as well-it's just been a such a long and emotionally draining year, I had to share.

If you read this, thanks for listening. And if you've been through a similar situation with friends or family, please let me know! It'd be nice to know I'm not the only crazy one out there ✌🏻