Pcos struggles

Finally got answers out of my doctor and she told me I have multiple cysts on both ovaries so she thinks I probably have PCOS. Now I know why I’ve been irregular so often but knowing doesn’t stop me from being hopeful every time I’m late. I’m 30 days late now, cycle day 62 if the last period even counted since it was only one day of bleeding. My mind feels like a battleground. The happy positive half of myself that screams at me to take yet another pregnancy test fighting the negative logical side that says this is just how things are now and that we’re not pregnant and we won’t be for a long time due to a laundry list of setbacks and complications. I feel so much pressure to conceive. And if I do conceive will I be able to carry to term? Will my malfunctioning system kill off my growing child before I even know they’re in there? My SO doesn’t understand how I feel like time is running out. How I feel like we need to redouble our efforts and do everything we can to make it happen now because it might never happen if we wait too long or don’t try enough. I’m terrified of letting that opportunity slip through my fingers. I keep thinking back and asking myself if we missed it already. Every night holds the same conversation and the same end where I beg and plead for him to try and he refuses saying “it’ll happen because god brought us together and why wouldn’t god let us have a child so we can wait”. I can’t leave it up to that. I don’t believe in fate. I believe in myself and what I can do to bring my dreams to life. How can I possibly make him understand that I feel like a buy one get one free coupon with a looming expiration date?

Sincerely,

M