I love my boyfriends family to bits but I am so fed up of constantly being compared to his ex wife. They were together for 4 years and have now been separated for nearly 5, and have a child together. Their relationship was very toxic and she was (and still is) extremely abusive towards my partner and his family and everyone involved has certainly suffered at her hand, so I let it slide when we first got together because I figured they were just happy to see how much my partner has changed for the better since being with me, but we’ve been together for 4 years now and it still carries on. It’s like every chance they get to bring her up they do, and I thought maybe I was being a bit sensitive to it because of how much I dislike her, but even my parter has said it’s a bit weird.

And it’s never about anything extraordinary or special either, just everyday life. Like “oh it’s so nice of you to invite us to dinner! SHE would never ask us to come over” or “you look nice today, SHE never bothered making an effort” 😑

I’ve never wanted to make things awkward by asking them to stop, especially because I don’t even think they realise they’re doing it, so now it’s just gone on too long and I don’t know how to tell them it’s bothering me. I have made little comments in the past and usually just answer with something like “oh well nevermind, good job you’ve got me instead now then!” Or something lighthearted but I think that’s just made things worse.

Any ideas?