I lost my baby because I failed as a mother :(

so I know alot of women here had loss a child and I feel like I shouldn't be hurting like if I had lost a child I got scared and had an abortion ived never told anyone this and I feel like is time. The truth is that i was scared and I know that's no excuse for what I did but every day since than I been hating my self I feel like a monster I had the oppurtunity to be a mother but I failed to it. I hate myself for what I did I know that I can't go back but I wish could. I don't know how I was capable of doing it but I wish hadn't I wish I would be able to see my baby and idk if I should say this and I think some of you might hate me and I understand but I think that I am not the only that has regreted what ived done there alot of women that have. And i am so sorry