Toxic friendships...

(I am 16) I’ve always known that my best (ie.closest) friend has this quality of sarcastic jokes and dark humour. For example, making fun of a ‘messy hair day’ I may have or joking me for a wrong answer I write or for a reaction I may make. Even though I know that she doesn’t mean to hurt me (or at least it is what she says or wants me to believe) this ended up bothering me a lot, but I don’t want to act childish and tell her that it bothers me because she will make fun of me about it.

She always seeks for compliments for me bit rarely gives me some. I am the encouraging friend but she is the opposite. I hate her for this.

A couple of days ago, we had an intense conversation. She wants me to sleepover to her house but my parents don’t allow me to have sleepovers for their reasons, this is how they want to grow their daughter. She started saying that they have brainwashed me with crazy ideas and it ended up telling me that she is afraid of my family and that it seems ‘evil’ and ‘satanic’. Just so that you know, I might have the most religious and openhearted family, and my family is unique in the way of thinking compared to other families. My parents are strict with me because they want my own good, and they are lucky that I obey their rules and decisions always.

Today we were at a discussion with 5-6 girls and we were talking about our school. I said that it was my goal to enter this school and I am glad that I have achieved entering. She immediately said ‘yes yes I know who brainwashed you to want to come here’ in front of the other girls. She wanted to alienate me in my other friends’ eyes. One girl stopped her by telling her that she is making me feel uncomfortable. I wasn’t. I was angry in reality, and I was going to cry in front of the whole squad. She made fun of my reaction keeping quiet and angry, at that point I was ready to start crying so I tried to explain what I meant by saying that it was my goal.

Anyway these were some examples. I just don’t know what to do with her. I feel she is jealous of me and she tries to destroy me. But on the other side, she knows my deepest secrets, and losing her means that I should keep everything to myself, which means that I’ll get crazy. I don’t know what to do.