Don’t want judgement just want support😭💔

So this post is going to be kind of long .. sorry in advance .

So a little back story. June of 2016 i met this guy. He was and is in the army and is an MP.

He wanted the future and the life i wanted but he had just moved here and partied A LOT! So i left in October. But i did love him and i had a lot of feelings for him.. but i chose to let those go..

In January of 2017 i met this bum who was doing nothing with his life. Lived in my house, stole from me, didn’t come see me in the hospital when i almost died, and then called me a pedophile(over a 15 year old having a crush on me at a family bbq and i didn’t react because i didn’t know 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ i wasn’t thinking like that) and then my final straw was when he put his hands one me TWICE!

So then the first guy came back into my life when all that was happening and literally was my Superman . Called me to check on me. Called me (I’m a nanny) when he knew i put the kids down for a nap because he learned my schedules. He set alarms on his phone to wake him up to call me .. i worked days and he worked nights.. i would stay up FaceTiming him before i went to bed . He’d make time to see me . We were going to get married in August and move to Germany in December that’s when he was getting stationed there.

Well then everything changed very fast .

In early February he texted me randomly and told me he was marrying someone else and he was sorry and blocked me on everything.

To say the least i was heart broken💔

Nothing helped . I smoked . I drank. I surrounded myself with my work. It did not work i needed answers and after all that i still loved him and wanted to make it work .

But it had been a month and a half with nothing . Blocked on EVERYTHING even my number .

Then he unblocked me and followed me yesterday on Instagram. Mind you i NEVER go on Instagram but something told me to check it.

And there it was. His face. His name. His page. Nothing changed.

So i messaged him and said what why and please call me if you have answers.

So he called.

He said that he had to go out of country for work(he’s had to do it before but we could talk. He’s on the drug enforcement team and getting into the investigation unit) but said that this time it was different and he didn’t even know i was blocked or what they had said . He just said when he gets a call like that he has to go.

So someone from his work took his phone and made the excuses . And blocked me.

We haven’t talked much because of course he’s working 🙄🙄

I’m just confused and worried and stressed.

I love him more then anybody i ever have . I want him and i to work. But if it does it goes back to the plan for getting married in August .

There is a lot to prove before then .

**like i said i don’t want judgement i just want support.. i know how it sounds but it’s something i have to figure out because my heart is saying he’s telling the truth but I’m scared . It’s just new ..

and if you read it all thank you!

For those asking .. yes we have met in person. Many times . We were together like everyday for 3 weeks straight. We used to hang out all the time before and then now we hang out on weekends because of our work schedules

He’s literally my best friend . We talk about everything I’m completely myself around him . I’m in love with him i just don’t want to go into this with lies if that’s what it is .

I’m just nervous and scared which i think is normal in this situation . I do truly believe he loves me but i don’t know about this story . If he did just want someone else he can tell me we have very open communication ..

i keep replaying it in my head i don’t know 😫😫