Confession

On January 5th, 2018 I had an abortion. I was 9 weeks and 6 days. I will never do it again and I miss my baby. But I do not regret it. This baby was not conceived from love. This baby was conceived either from a horrible mistake or the sex we had to try to forget about the horrible mistake (it was still his, but it didn’t feel like mine). We drank too much and ended up hooking up with my best friend. (Yes I do mean we) he did not finish inside of her but we did have to switch quickly so that he didn’t. I don’t remember this, he told me about it. After that, we were constantly arguing and between my emotions from what happened, my already mental instability, and my pregnancy hormones, (i was by far the drunkest, I blacked out for 2 hours and regained my memory thinking it had lasted for maybe 30 minutes) we were not happy as a couple. There were many moments where we didn’t know if we would last together. I was constantly in pain mentally and physically, I had so many tension headaches. We also were not financially stable. We didn’t have our own place, we didn’t have transportation, and we didn’t have any income. In a way the abortion actually made us closer because it gave us perspective on that night. There were things bigger and worse. We realized that we could work it out because the one thing I remember all drugged up while on the table, is the pain, squeezing his hand, crying, and burying my face into him the best I could. He helped me so much. He was there for me, made phone calls afterwards when I was have excruciatingly painful cramps. (I have almost puked from period cramps being so painful but I will never complain about them again. They felt like nothing compared to this). So before you judge someone for an abortion, maybe think about why. An abortion is not something that anyone wants to do. It is a horrible place to be and to judge someone’s choice without knowing their life or their story is so beyond messed up. When I am talking about the loss of my child I am scared to say that I had an abortion even though that is a big part of it because I’m scared of the reaction and the hate that I will get because of it. It’s fine if you don’t agree with it. Just don’t be a bitch about it and keep your mouth closed if you don’t have anything nice to say.