I made the appointment on Monday. They didn't have anything available until April 10th. I will be 11 weeks and 2 days. I waited so long because I didn't know what I wanted to do... neither did my boyfriend. We still don't. Our relationship is absolutely horrific right now. I spend most of the time crying. He spends most of the time yelling at me. It's over finances, over my dog, me not buying the right foods... me not getting enough housework done. I feel like all he does is bark orders at me. We had talked about having a 3some and that's all he talks about anymore. I don't feel wanted, I don't feel loved. And I know in my heart it is not right to bring a baby in to this. I know if I have this baby, I won't have support. That i will change all diapers and I will be expected to stay home. Even my narcissistic exhusband did every other night with me, getting up with our children. I'm barely allowed to feel sick and tired now. This isn't going to change, it will only get worse. My birthday is on Easter and I'm not trying to be immature about it but it's my birthday... I don't want to fix some huge meal. I've been told that my birthday can be celebrated on Saturday, he wants Easter dinner. The world doesn't stop for my birthday. And if I left him and kept the baby, Id be tied to him forever. There would be an awful custody battle. I have two children with a narcissist. I don't want to go through all of that again.I just keep thinking how this baby will be the size of a lime. His fingers and toes won't be webbed anymore. I torture myself by watching shows and looking at pictures of babies. I feel like I deserve to hurt even more because I was given this baby to love and protect and I'm not doing my job. This morning, before I left... before he had a chance to call and yell at me over something, he said he wanted to keep the baby. I know he will say something different later on. It's all just messing with my head.