I’m fed up of letting people down. I feel like I can barely do anything right these days. My husband and I run a business and I’ve been working from home since having the baby, with the odd day here and there at the premises, and lately I’ve just really let things go. I tend to stay with the baby more than is really necessary to avoid doing work or housework. When my husband gets home I make excuses for not pulling my weight when in actual fact I’ve just been sitting around, holding the baby while he sleeps, watching the birds in the garden, or sometimes I would have fallen asleep while the baby is napping. I feel like I can’t admit to him or myself that I’m finding this lifestyle hard. I know my husband WANTS to believe that maintaining the house and trying to keep on top of my admin work takes up a lot of energy but I also know that he would switch positions in a heartbeat so he could stay home with the baby all day, and that just proves that he doesn’t know how much hard work it can be trying to keep on top of everything. I feel like I’ve got so much to keep afloat that I’ve just neglected everything. I go to our work premises a few times a week and do stock checks, make orders, etc, and have just been getting that kind of stuff totally wrong lately too, which is so frustrating for my husband and myself because I KNOW what I’m doing and I’m GOOD at my job. Usually.

Baby has started waking up through the night again since moving to his own room a couple of weeks ago and I’ve gotten into the habit of just staying awake until he wakes up- sometimes it’s 1am, sometimes it’s 5am- so I’m just absolutely exhausted all of the time, trying to function properly off 3 hours sleep everyday. Because I’m so tired, I’m getting stressed out more easily when babes is having his fussy time and I hate that I’m not being as attentive or patient with him as I know I can be.

I just feel like a crappy wife and a shitty mom.

I’m not sure what to do. I’ve let things slip so far that trying to get back on top of things and back in control is completely daunting and overwhelming 😔