Today's tough

Today is very difficult... I'm not really sure why. I can't stop crying. I want a baby so bad and it's just not happening. Nothing really set me off... I am just sad. I'm 24 and you would think this would be easy... I mean I'm the perfect age to conceive. I stop my birth control in November thinking by February I would be pregnant... that's just not how this works is it? I'm going to the doctor in July to see what's up but I'm scared... I'm afraid of what he will tell me... afraid he will confirm my biggest fears. My poor husband wants me to feel better and stop stressing but it's so difficult. Every negative test I get is a knife to the heart. I waited for my life to be in order before I stopped my birth control... I waited till I had the house and the suv and the perfect job and was happily married and I feel like God is saying "you can't have it all". Should I have never taken birth control... did I mess up my body? I am so overwhelmed and to be honest depressed... I shouldn't be... even if I can't have a child there is always adoption right? I have so much to be thankful for... why am I being like this? I'm hoping one day I will look back on this post and laugh because all my worries were silly and I'm holding a beautiful baby but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. :(