I’m a survivor. I have been put through hell by someone I thought I loved and survived.

I met this guy at a place I used to work. It started out good. He was very nice and he was always very quick to compliment me and make me feel good. I never intended to get into a relationship with him, I wasn’t looking for one at that time, but it happened. The first few months were fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. We talked all day, had the relationship moments everyone has. Then things started to get really bad. One day, he asked me for money. It was only a few dollars so I gave it to him. No big deal. I should have known things would go down hill from there...now before I continue, please keep in mind that I realize I was stupid and naive and should have stopped giving him money but when you love someone you want to do everything you can to help them if they are hurting. Anyway, he asked me again a few weeks later and I told him I couldn’t spare anything this time and I was really sorry. I wanted to help but I just couldn’t this time. He got very very upset. Called me a worthless piece of shit and I wasn’t good for anything and he didn’t know why he was with me. I argued with him. He didn’t speak to me the rest of the day. Of the course of the next few days, he got very controlling. He would always need to know where I was, why I was there and who I was with. He eventually cut me off from my friends. At the time, I didn’t realize what he doing because I was blinded by love or what I thought was love. He would always get very upset and then a few hours later, come back and apologize. He would sweet talk. He always knew what to say to worm his way back. He asked for money a few times and I gave it to him; mainly because I thought if I did, he would love me completely but also because I was scared of what he would do if I didn’t. He found ways to manipulate me and isolate me from my friends, coworkers, and family. When he hurt me physically, he would do it in places no one would see; he was smart about it. He broke me down mentally, emotionally and physically. It reached a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I told my parents and they did what they had to do to keep my family and myself safe. I went off the grid for months; quite my job and had complete radio silence so he couldn’t find me. He hasn’t tried to come back into my life at all since.

It is hard to get through on a lot of days but I’m getting stronger everyday. I’m repairing the relationships with my family and friends. But it is hard. I still see myself as the worthless stupid no-good girl that he made me out to be. There are days I don’t want to get out of bed and go to my campus for class or go into my new job because I don’t have the strength but I know that I will regret it if I don’t try. I have my good days and those days, I smile and laugh and can get a lot done. I sought out professional help after I told my parents and he helped me work through everything and realize that it wasn’t my fault. I’m not to blame for what he did or how he was with me. He was a very disturbed person and I am so much better without him in my life. My current boyfriend is perfect. When I told him about what happened to me, he just held me and let me cry. He always tells me how beautiful I am. He is incredibly patient. He is there right away when I need him and when I have my bad days, he is there through every emotion and every up and down. He is patient through my panic attacks, bad dreams and insecurities. He is truly perfect and I don’t think I would be where I am today without him. ❤️

If anyone is in a relationship like the one I was in, please know that you are not alone!! You have people who truly care about you and they can help! You are worth it!