When you are the abusive one

Question

Usually on here I read relationships where the man is the one being abusive in the relationship. I am speaking out about how I am the one abusing my boyfriend. Do I hit him? No. But I want to. I do say hurtful things to him such as "fuck you", "I hate you", "You don't do crap", etc. I feel really bad that I say these things. Honestly he should leave me and find someone who appreciates him. Why do I say things like this to him? Because I am depressed and angry. I feel like I can't control it. I hate my life. And now I hate myself. And I don't think I can change.

Answer

then set him free and work on yourself no need to blow up on him because you can’t control yourself

Answer

You probably say those things because that’s how you were taught at one point in your life to cope with your feelings. Or maybe you were never given the right tools to cope with things in relationships. Maybe someone said those types of things to you, or maybe you are very insecure and feel like it makes you more powerful to say those things to your partner. Maybe it makes you feel big to make him feel small. Abuse is always about power and control. It is always a choice you make to abuse someone. You can control it, you just need to learn the tools you need to deal with things a different way. The fact that you are aware of it is the first step. You now need to reach out for help. You need to be seeing a therapist and taking anger management classes. Please visit www.loveisrespect.org for information on how to get help.

Answer

End the relationship. No one deserves to be with someone who abuses them.

Answer

You can change if you want to. 
You are best being single while you figure out how to change for the better. You may need anger management and other therapies. 
End the relationship though, it isn’t fair that you take things out on him. Let him go. You will both be happier without each other.

Answer

Tell him what you've said in this post. Let him decide whether he wants to support you through you bettering yourself. If I were you I would make a list of things that you have about yourself. Then think practically about how you can fix those things. Finally say positive things about yourself in the mirror daily! Do this for 6 months and see if you feel better about yourself.

Answer

The answer is the same for any abusive relationship - if you can't stop, leave the relationship. But if it is because of depression or something that could be "fixed" then try therapy.

When you are the abusive one

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