doubts

I have been struggling with depression for years. and I have been to psychiatric hospitals for thoughts of suicide or attempted suicide. I am usually really good at managing it. but the past 2 years have been really hard. I am now pregnant and in my third trimester. and I am going back down that very dark path. I keep over thinking about things. getting into arguments with people. mainly, I just dont want to be made uncomfortable or look like the bad guy when I am uncomfortable. and everyone just seems to make me feel like a piece of shit for voicing my opinion or how I feel. my family has never been close and ive always been there for them. but, it seems like none of them want to be there for me. and the biggest problem I'm having right now is, not being sure on having this child. I love my baby more than anything, but I dont feel like I'm going to be a good enough parent. or I that its going to suck for him to grow up with this kind of family. I feel like I'm not going to be able to take care of him because I cant even take care of myself. I'm just trying to figure out what to do, or just have someone to talk to. because I don't have anyone else. and I am really struggling.