I Need Help!

Back story, I have anxiety. When my grandpa died 6 years ago I had a really hard time with it. I got super anxious that everybody I loved would die. I cut everybody I loved off or pushed them away. Since then I’ve mostly repaired those relationships.

But now, my nanna (my late grandpas widow) got into a really bad car accident. She almost died (was on life support for several days. I feel completely apathetic. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 who was also my best-friend of 5 years. But I just feel completely done with him. Like I just don’t care, and everything that has ever kind of bugged me feels like a big deal and a reason to break up with him.

The thing is I know I love him. I’ve loved him since I was 15. But I just can’t seem to bring myself to care or want him right now. I know I don’t want to loose him. But I don’t feel like talking to him. And I feel like if I do talk to him then I’m just going to end up going off about all the hints I’m finding as reasons to push him away right now.

Any advice or ideas on how to get over this? I just need help. I love him so much. But I just can’t right now.