How do you make the pain stop?

I have been TTC for 16 long months. And each month just seems longer and longer. I have had no luck, and now my anxiety is at an all time high and I am becoming depressed. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. All the coping mechanisms my therapist taught me are falling short and I feel like I am falling apart. All I want is a baby, I always wanted two or three kids but right now I'd be happy with just the one. I'll be 32 this month and although that is still considered fairly young, this will be my first baby. But I can't seem to conceive him/her and it's tearing into my soul, plunging into my heart and the little hope that I had is being slowly filled by despair.

And right now I just feel guilty because putting myself into this dark place and allowing the negative feelings to surface, I am not putting my body into the best position it could be in to conceive a child. Even when I tried to distract myself from the mental anguish that this has been, my period got in my way of my fun time with my husband and friends.

I know I am not, but I just feel so alone in my pain. The last time I felt this badly things didn't turn out the way I hoped, but now I wonder how the hell I managed to get myself out of it, because this dark tunnel feels endless.

I do t know what I did to deserve this pain. All I ever wanted was a child and my body was designed to conceive and carry a child, so why the hell won't it do what it's supposed to do?