My Ex (Long Post) warning: speaks of abuse and rape.

My question and concern is at the bottom but you won’t understand unless you read everything.

It’s a pregnancy related question as in the area of labor and delivery and such.

Thursday evening I had a break down about everything my psychologically abusive ex had done to me.

I had shared the following before in another anonymous post. But I’m going to share around to give back story as to why I feel the way I do.... I guess.

He’s a text book example of a covert narcissist.

He wanted someone who was into “consentual non consent” type shit. So he could “have it whenever he wanted”.

I wasn’t into that.

I wanted to wait till I was married but I had going threw a real hard time in my life and let him guilt me and pressure me into giving up my virginity. I was scared to lose someone else.

I had just lost my grandpa a few months before to cancer. He was my adopted dad and had raised me since I was four. It was hard for me, Still is, and I was still handling that.

He took advantage of my weak state.

Anyways ....

I stupidly fell into his games and psychological manipulation and trusted him when I never should have.

He’s an alcoholic, a drunk.

But there were a couple nights where he’d pressure me to drink.

But he wouldn’t drink as much....

If I argued or said no he would get angry or annoyed and start throwing off insults or telling me how I’m a bad girlfriend and things like that.

To avoid that I would drink....

And he basically waited till I was to drunk to say no or fight back..

I don’t remember the actual sexual interactions either of those two times....

But I remember him bragging about it the next morning or telling me what I did wrong during it or just shit to embarrass me....

I haven’t been able to look at myself the same since.

I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin anymore.

And I got pregnant.....

I had to quit taking my anti depressants, which I had to start taking shortly after I started dating him...

I’m 32 Weeks Pregnant now.... and it’s his....

He had told me how he didn’t want it, wouldn’t love it, and tried to get me to do adoption. Even went so far as to compare the baby to a parasite feeding off me.... He even “jokingly” offered to a woman will fertility issues, to sell her the baby.... It wasn’t a joke until after she didn’t react well.

Her and I are friends now.

It wasn’t until we told his family and realized he could get a lot of shit out of this that he decided he’d play daddy....

Only by then I had been off my medication long enough to start seeing things for what they really were.

Before I’d blame everything on myself.... He told me it was my fault so it had to be right? That’s what I believed.

I ended things with him.... Took “a break”.

Which gave me time to reflect over everything without being fed lies and told it was just me or that I was crazy....

I started realizing all the things that were completely wrong, untrue, abusive....

All the while I’m realizing this he’s trying to tell me what a great mother I am already and all these other “nice” things to drag me back in...

Instead....

I ended it completely with him.

He tried harassing me, tried saying things to upset me on purpose.

My mom even pointed out that it was like he was trying to stress me out so much that I would miscarry.

Which I wouldn’t doubt....

He turned around and screwed around with my “best friend” a few weeks after I officially ended it as well....

She stupidly showed me their whole text conversation and let me get screenshots while she tried to lie to me about them ever meeting up....

🤦🏼‍♀️

So I’m no longer friends with her....

Anyways....

Now to the point of this post....

Thursday last week, the 12th.... that evening

I had a breakdown about everything that happened.

I had been okay for a while now, or At least I tried to convince myself I was.... But I still get moments where everything I bottled up explodes out....

My baby shower was Saturday so his grandma and her husband were in town for it. I love them so much. They are so kind and have helped me so much. She got me the crib and glider for the baby room and Over 600 dollars worth of baby stuff. But they don’t know what their grandson has really done.... I don’t want to tell her.

She just knows I’m not comfortable with him.

Anyways

They were coming over to drop off the crib Friday and the glider.

And they brought my ex with them....

She pulled me to the side quickly and warned me he was in the car and apologized several times.

He had showed up to their hotel just as they were coming over and decided he’d ride over with them.

....

Then we all went to lunch.... and he tried talking to me....

He also lied about how he reacted to me telling him I was pregnant saying he cried.

He didn’t cry.... He didn’t say anything! Just stared at me as if I just slapped him and stole his alcohol!

Side note:

When I first found out I was pregnant. I was scared. I mentioned adoption but immediately changed my mind and said no Nevermind. Made it very clear I couldn’t do it....

Then after that he was constantly pushing it.

Back to the point.

Then he wasn’t suppose to know the location of the baby shower.... But I failed to mention that to his grandma....

He drove them to the baby shower but left immediately after they got out the car....

Had my family seen him in the car.... shit would have hit the fan....

I’ve been having nightmares since Friday.

I’ve been anxious and stressed since then.

It’s like I got sent back to the start of my recovery....

I wasn’t ready for that. I emotionally and mentally wasn’t ready.... and I was shoved into that situation without a way out because I’m to polite and didn’t want to upset his grandma....

She wants to be at the hospital when I have the baby....

How do I tell her her grandson isn’t allowed near the hospital?

She’s hoping we’ll be able to meet in the middle and be able to do this co parenting or something. She’s wishing we could come to a point where we can socialize well enough for the baby....

But he raped me.... not just one time.... but twice....

I’ll never be able to do that. I wish I had been smart enough to report him .... but I just blamed myself....

“Oh I shouldn’t have drank” but if I hadn’t I would have dealt with verbal abuse.... with no way of getting home.... I was stuck at his house.

But it doesn’t matter how much I drank.... He should never have done that....

How do I tell this kind woman that her grandson isn’t allowed to be there when the baby is born? When she has the mind set as “well he’s still the father so”....?

He’s no father....

Just because you get someone pregnant doesn’t make you a dad....

Being a man.... Being responsible.... reliable.... Respectful .... A decent human being .... That’s what makes you a father....

He just wanted to insult the baby and sell it, adopt it out, or terminate the pregnancy....

He even told me “I can’t afford child support” WHILE WE WERE STILL TOGETHER....

I have a huge fear of child birth.... I’m already going to be scared and stressed enough.... I don’t want him within a 100 miles of me....

From things I’ve read about victims and labor and delivery

I’m scared I’m going to have an even more traumatic process then most women do ....

I don’t mind his grandma being at the hospital but I don’t want him there.... It makes me sick thinking he might show up....

I’ve already spoken to my doctor as well.... I’ll be admitted until a fake name so that if he tried to show he wouldn’t be able to get any info on me or be able to find me....

I don’t want his grandma feeding him info of where I am and stuff.

I’m panicking just thinking about it!

To clarify

MY Grandma/ adopted mom and my biological mom are who will be in the delivery room With me if I have the baby naturally.

If I have c section my sister will be with me (because she’s had two).

His grandma won’t be in the room for the birth.

I also do not want him there to sign the birth certificate.

In my state, if the father is there, they will try and have him sign the certificate. It’s another reason I don’t want him there....

I won’t be replying back to comments directly because I want to remain anonymous.... I feel safer sharing all this this way.