Lying to My Dang Self

We have been TTC since July of last year, minus a few months in there where I had a freaking STROKE and heart surgery. Long story, but thankfully I made an almost full recovery and I am truly blessed. 🙏🏼 but it’s been the hardest thing of my life at the same time.

We are going to California for vacation to Disneyland and Universal this Saturday and all next week, and I of course had to test today because I wanted to know if I was finally pregnant this month. I was sooo hoping that we were so I could tell my hubby while on vacation and take cute announcement photos at Disney and bring our parents back some cute Disney related “you’re a grandparent” type things- but no. Not pregnant.

(Saw this picture in a post today and it fit perfectly. I was dying- both from laughing and crying)

So I’m sitting here telling myself that it’s better that I’m not pregnant so I can ride all the rides and not have to skip all the fun ones. But I know I’d freaking give up the whole vacation if I could just be pregnant already.

I lie to myself after every negative test, trying to come up with reasons why it’s better that I’m not pregnant yet but it’s all bull 💩. Anyone else do this? 🤦‍♀️ Or am I the only crazy one? 😂

TTC is taking a serious toll on my mental health- I even deleted my FB app so that I’m not on there seeing all the pregnancy posts. Don’t get me wrong- I’m so happy for them. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t kill me inside each time I see one.