Opinions

I am in a voluntary outpatient program bc I was suicidal and bc of my history dabbling in drugs and drinking they put me in the addiction and mental health group. (I have depression, anxiety, ptsd, and bpd). I told them that obviously I know it’s not healthy doing drugs and I had stopped doing that all together months ago. (Only did them when I was drinking socially and they were offered) no withdrawals or urges since. I drank a lot more than I did drugs but even then there was never an urge or feeling that I had to. Mainly I do anything I can to distract myself from emotions and at the time with the friends I had that was drinking. I’ve been open to the whole process bc if it doesn’t hurt why not. I have listened to plenty of addicts stories in my group, I’ve known plenty of alcoholics, educated myself on alcoholism and addiction, and have no family history of any time of addiction. I always told the therapists and the group I full heartedly don’t think I have the disease of alcoholism. Now after educating myself in every way possible I still think that. (Also no one in my life has ever brought up or had issues with me due to alcohol) but it’s really like my group members and therapist think I’m an addict in denial. When they talk about it in group I can never relate to the discussions. If i was in denial I don’t think i would be so willing to take my time to go to group therapy to listen to people talk and go to an AA meeting. Everyone in my life friends and family all were supportive of me being open to it but think at this point it’s ridiculous bc they know I don’t have addiction. At this point I feel like the program is not going to help me much more. Happy to receive opinions, advice, or similar situations bc I really don’t want to drop out!