Uncertain about having a second baby- anyone else?!

Question

So I am so torn!!! My son is almost 19 months old and I had told myself when he was born that we would probably start trying for baby number two once my son was turning 2 years old, which is less than 6 months away. The thing is, I am so unsure about when we should have a second child. I had an amazing pregnancy and delivery so that part isn’t deterring me...I just am so fearful of my son not getting as much attention. I know it sounds ridiculous because people have multiple kids all the time...I just love this little boy so much and we had such a hard time getting pregnant that he is literally my world. I’m afraid of that shift that happens once you have a second kid. Also hard to imagine loving another human as much as I love him- again, I know that sounds silly and I know u will love a second baby just as much. I just want to make sure he gets what he needs before we have another. I’m turning 33 this summer so I also feel like my clock is ticking. I always imagined having two kids because i would love to give my son someone to grow up with. It took us over a year to conceive my son so I’m worried if we wait to long we won’t be able to have another at all...yet I don’t want to rush it before we are ready just based on that issue. Is anyone else in this situation?

Answer

I had my first baby (my Oct ‘16 baby) when I was 37, and my second baby just this past March and I’m 38 (will be 39 in June). 
So I definitely understand the feeling of the clock ticking. Fact of the matter is, and something that didn’t really dawn on me until my mid-late 30’s, no one is entitled to a baby or to reproduce, babies really are blessings not guarantees. So with that in mind I was very open to life after my first and didn’t want to risk possibly missing out on another child by squandering any more of my fertile years. I fortunately got pregnant quickly after my cycle returned (I only had one period) which was a shock given that it took a year to get pregnant with my first baby.
I shared your fears about being spread thin and not having enough love or not being able to be as devoted to my first baby anymore as I was/would be for her as an only child. I think these are very common concerns and worries. 
However ever since I had my second baby I’ve been in awe of my daughters fascination and adoration of her baby sister. Even emulating with her dolls what she sees me doing with her baby sis (burping, tummy time, etc). Now that my newborn is approaching 8 weeks old her personality is coming through and her awareness of her older sister and how she looks at her and the joy and excitement in her face when she’s getting attention from her big sis or when she’s observing her sis doing something she finds interesting, it’s just indescribable the gratitude I feel that my 2 babies have each other to love as well as their mom and and dad.
There’s enough love and attention for your baby, more will sprout from you but also a whole new well spring will pour forth from siblings for each other.
I will say though that with my first baby, if she fussed or needed anything, boom I was there. With a second baby in the house neither ones needs are met as instantaneously because one will have to tough it out for a bit while I’m trying to meet the needs of the the other. This made me feel super guilty when one is crying and I just can’t get there right away because I’m dealing with the other. But it’s been almost 8 weeks and both kids actually seem better for it, esp my oldest, learning that life doesn’t stop to cater to them the second they make a fuss, lol.
Good luck to you in whatever you decide. ❤️

Answer

I understand this. My husband only sees our son for 1 hour a night on weeknights. He is gone two or three nights a week. He is home on weekends though. I know the majority of it will be me and I'm worried my attention will be spread thin with a toddler and a new baby. However, I just scheduled to get my IUD removed. This isn't going to be easy, but I am a good mom and I have so much love to give. I'm focused on the long term picture. I really want my son to have a sibling because my sister is the world to me and I couldn't imagine not having one.

Answer

I can't decide either

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I feel similarly. I'm actually more worried that having them so close together my second wouldn't have all the bonding time and attention my first has gotten. That and the infant stage was very rough for me and my husband. I'm worried how that will go when I also have a toddler to handle. I'm starting to think maybe more of an age gap is the best plan for my family. I think we may wait another year closer to 3 than two.

Answer

I think another baby doesn’t mean less love for #1, it just means more love for everyone for/from baby #2. Love isn’t a finite resource, it just grows and grows! We plan to go for #2 once #1 turns 2.

Answer

Your fears are understandable! But don’t have regrets later about not continuing your family. I have a 3.5 year old, 1.5 year old, and baby number three on the way. Two year gaps are really nice because at that age the older one is able to help and understands the baby needs certain attentions, also watching the bond between them grow is just beautiful!

Answer

i have a 19 month old and found out 2 days ago i am pregnant .  i am 42 and 7 months.   you are not old by any means. i was 21 and 25 when i had my first 2  sons. a day before my 41st  when i had my toddler. misscarried in june at 16 weeks..i was 41 and 9 months. 7 months of ttcing and pregnant due dec 31 2018

Uncertain about having a second baby- anyone else?!

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