Marriage is Shit and so Toxic

My marriage is so shitty and I absolutely despise him and our “life” together. He treats me like a door matt and his punching bag (mentally abusive). He expects me to do everything for him, laundry, business calls, schedule appointments. He bitches and complains about everything. He’s on meds for adhd, and mood stabilizers but he runs out of meds and forgets to have them filled, so he’s up and down and he snaps at me so easily and is cruel. If I get pissed he gets even more dicky. He never comes on to me or compliments me or wants to have sex yet he watches porn, adult youtube videos and jerks off. If I cry when Ive reached a breaking point he ignores me or worse, laughs at me. I feel like Im going crazy and lately I fly off the handle and completely lose my shit on him because my nerves are shot. I want a divorce but I don’t have my own job because Ive been working for his business, I am looking for one. What makes it the hardest part is we own a house that suffered some damage and we cant sell it till all of the repairs are complete, and its going to take probably another year 😡. Ive thought about just walking from it, but the return we will get in the house is my nest egg. We should make at least $150,000 snd we’ll split that. I have so much student loan debt and I could really use that $$. I just don’t know how to mentally and emotionally detach. I flip out all of the time now because Im so angry and hurt. I literally have rage for him. In in counseling but its not helping. How fo I coexist with someone I despise until I can divorce him and leave???? Sorry for the long rant 😩