I had my 39 week check-up today. To be clear I didn’t even think I would make it to this appointment, the last doctor I saw felt sure I wouldn’t make it either. At my 38 week appointment I was already 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced, which was so much more natural progression than I had with my first child. It was recommended to just keep walking as much as I could, so I did.

7 miles a day on average, raspberry leaf tea, evening primrose oil, yoga ball exercises... I did it all, not in the hopes of kickstarting labor because I know that’s not how it works, but in the hopes that I was helping my body progress along. The past few nights I’ve even been having inconsistent but painful contractions and during the day period like cramping. So I walked into that 39 week appointment feeling confident.

Still 3 cm and 50% effaced. And when I mentioned to this doctor the membrane sweep that I was told by another could be done at 39 weeks, I was told he wouldn’t do it. He considered it a medical intervention and would not perform it till I was 40 weeks.

I felt so discouraged as I walked out today. I sat in my car and cried a little over it. My husband, my in-laws, my mom, my friends, when they got the update they kept telling me not to be discouraged, to keep my chin up and not to feel upset. I think that was worse. What is wrong with feeling discouraged? Why do I have to always feel happy or positive? What’s wrong with letting myself feel a certain way? Telling me to cheer up is not going to automatically make me cheer up.

For God’s sake let me be upset and cry about it if that’s how I’m feeling.