TTC break

We’re taking time off from ttc and I’m on the pill due to relationship/financial problems.. and now I’m just so depressed. 8 months down the toilet. I just want a baby 😩😢 ain’t know what to say or anything. Just had to get it out I guess.. I can’t go to my family or friend because nobody knows we were trying, so I came here. How do you go from trying so hard to not trying at all? It’s so freaking hard to do.