Depressed

I’ve been struggling with the stability of my anxiety and depression over the past year and recently after coming home from college I’ve been feeling a lot of depression. My parents don’t understand the pain I’m in even though they do know a little. I constantly feel bad for how I am around the house because of my parents which makes me feel more useless. I’m scared of how dark I am feeling as I am very used to the ins and outs of my illness and this is not normal. It’s like I don’t wanna die but when I’m feelings really low I just wish I was somewhere else like reality wasn’t happening. And I don’t wanna have such dark thoughts and feelings. I wish I had more friends I could talk to about this who truly understand besides like a therapist. Idk what I’m trying to get from posting this... I just wanna know I’m not alone right now. I wanna know that I’m not being dramatic that it’s not my fault and I really am trying my best.