Marraige parenthood and pnd

So i dont know really where to start but i need to get this off my chest...i am struggling, i thought i was doing okay yet now i sit here in floods of tears wandering what the hell i did wrong?!

My hubby and i had a small tiff earlier over something stupid cleaning, he was cleaning his car (as normal) i was cleaning the house (as normal) i asked if he was going to help as he said he would and he said when i start tidying up my shit he will help and do more for example simple things emptying the bins...

Then it caved and turned to a row obviously being stressed and irritated by this i told him that he does not do a lot anyway so not much difference there, he works part time i never pressurise him to do more hours etc (he also recovered a while ago with the help of cbt from mental health issues.. i ended up with my pnd because i dealt with his problems alone while i was 6 months pregnant with out DS and most of my pregnancy and then when he was 3 months old (All suicide attempts and getting arrested for drink driving) so can u see it took its toll on me and finally caught up after our sons first birthday when i was diagnosed.

Anyway this little row turned sour we never argue like this he called me alot of names under the son lazy retarded fucking stupid etc etc i am not lazy yes sometimes i have me time and read a magazine or what have u as most mums do but i take our son out play with him do arts and crafts, clean, tidy do laundry, cook every day including change the nappies, bedtime routine i am the only one who goes to our son and puts him to bed at night because he will not allow daddy to do it he tried a few times then gave up although i did say he had to keep at it and it was possibly because i always have done it.

So after the row i told him to f off as he was calling me horrid names and in front of our child it was not fair and i do not want him bringing up my pnd which he did it went from the cleaning to its my fault and he should be able to spend time with his son take him out etc (my pnd causes me to be clingy with ds) i struggle at letting him go out with other people friends family and his daddy but i am getting help and i am getting better even his family are supportive and can see how well i am doing yet i suggest he takes him out to the oark around the corner, he wont?! So anyway he stormed off out in the car leaving me pretty upset and to deal with everything i got frantic worrying where he was as i heard there was a multiple collision nearby obviously not knowing where he was i called him finally after many attempts he answers to tell me to stop ringing if i dont want him there which i stated i did and to just come home, finally he returned to have his dinner i already had fed ds and he normally will bath him unless he is working then i do baring in mind he had not seen much of him today i asked if he was bathing him he said no you can i asked why a d he told me to not wonder and just do it...

Ds had had his 4th poopy nappy i jokingly asked if daddy would like this one his reoly was there is no point as your bathing him in a minute so i carried on changed him bathed him then settled him to sleep...

He was playing on his computer, finally after i finished cleaning in between him bickering a bit more about other things like how i only want baby number 2 so i can sit at home which i told him was very upsetting and hurtful we are trying for baby number 2 as it was planned if it happens it happens we both chose to try and decided we are ready now hes trying to blame me saying suddenly i always want it, okay wtf before when i was on the implant and bare in mind i also am the one who gets tiered being up sometimes with ds he used to moan he was not getting it enough i found the implant also crushed my drive since it was removed i seems to have returned we are not rabbits but yes it happens more than before which he loved but now is blaming it on my wanting another baby my answer was pretty simple use a condom or you can say no which errr he never does 🙄

Anyway here i am alone in bed with a stressed to max pounding headache cannot sleep het i am tiered and he has decided to sleep on the sofa i hate it when this happens

Yet i also am beginning to feel suddenly i am losing my hubby the one i fell in love with i told him that he just laughs and says i am pathetic i am fed up with him calling me names blaming everything on me using my pnd against me even if it is just in the heat of a row its not nice and it sticks i been through a mental/emotional abusive relationship with my step father when i was a child for many years i do not want to go through another but it feels sometimes my relationships is mirroring my mothers and now ex step father

Sorry for the essay i just needed a cry and rant and maybe some advice 😣