Help me decide if I should TTC?

Question

*Heads up! Long post!* 
My husband and I have been married a couple weeks shy of a year. He wanted children right away. So his baby fever is getting to be crazy! He loves kids and would be a great father! There's just one problem. Me. I had Skyla and IUD put in about a year and a half ago due to my terrible periods and cramping. So I still have it. I've talked to my obgyn about getting it taken out in November which would make me be able to get pregnant by January. I want to do this for my husband. I married him knowing he wanted kids. But I'm scared/nervous/unsure. We are spontaneous and enjoy going on random road trips and having friends over and dates! This sounds beyond immature but I am afraid of losing that freedom. I wanted to enjoy being married but I feel selfish. I feel like I'm denying my husband fatherhood. Don't get me wrong I want kids. But not right now. BUT I still want to be young when the kids are grown and living their lives so I don't want to wait too long. We have good jobs and we've bought a 4 bedroom house, both families are suggesting we have babies. I just don't know what to do!!! Anyone feel like this??

Answer

If you aren't ready you aren't ready. There is nothing wrong with that. But be sure to communicate this to your partner. You will lose the kind of freedom you are talking about when you have kids,  but you trade it for a new kind of adventure. Totally natural to be scared and unsure, and to be honest no one is really ever ready. But if you know that right now is not the time, that's totally ok. Don't let other people dictate when you should have kids, only you know when you are ready to do so.

Answer

If you aren't ready it could cause a lot of problems. I'd rather wait until my husband and I were both equally excited to try before doing so. Maybe another year or two and you'll be ready?

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If you have to ask us, you are not ready.

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My husband and I had 6 wonderful years before we decided to become parents. If you're not ready, don't do it because it may be a decision you will come to regret.

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Why aren't you telling your husband this? If you don't want kids don't try to conceive, what if you regret conceiving? Then you'll really have a problem. Talk to him. Children don't have to mean no freedom at all. Obviously it will be more difficult and your children should always come first but you could always hire someone as an emergency back up sitter. Tell this to your husband, this is between the two of you.

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My parents were married for 8 years before they had me (my mom was 28 when she gave birth). I was three months pregnant when I got married 😂.

Long story short, I wish I had had more time to enjoy my marriage and my husband before having children (I was 29 when I gave birth, so time wasn't really on my side). If you are not worried about fertility issues due to advanced age, I would wait at least another year to try. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. And please, do NOT allow pressure from outside influence your decision! Without a doubt, your life will change the most because of a pregnancy (more so than your husband even) so make the choice that's right for you. Good luck!

Answer

You didn't say how old you are, but unless you're upper 30's or early 40's, you can put off kids a couple years and not deny your husband the chance to have kids. I think everyone is scared to have kids. Raising children is a huge commitment, 18 years or more of worrying about a little persons needs and feelings and growth ahead of your own. However, it's something you need to think about and talk about before having kids. I've seen several friends relationships where one person wanted kids and the other didn't yet, they had kids anyway and that just added stress on a relationship. One of my friends husbands actually throws the child in her face when he wants to do something but she wants to stay home with her daughter. It's been a source of arguing, which is something a child should never be. If it helps, I'm 32 and TTC our 3rd. I don't feel like an 'old' mom. I do feel more mature than I was when we were 19 and I had my first though. My point is, you don't magically wake up at 30 an decide you're old, and can no longer relate to your kids experiences. If anything, you have the experience of hindsight and realize the consequences of some of the choices you (and by you, I mean I) made as a teen or early 20's mom. the only ones who can help you decide if you want to TTC now or next year are your husband and your dr. don't rush into something just because your hubby wants kids. Talk to him, and find out when he really sees you having kids. And how many. And how far apart he'd like to try for them. And then keep in mind that most women don't conceive in their first month of trying.Ok that was more rambling than I intended. Basically, talk to your husband but don't feel pressured into doing something you're not ready for. It's very mature to realize that while you do want kids, you don't want them this year. Know yourself, and if what you want is to enjoy your child free days for another year before taking the next step, do so and don't feel guilty or selfish.

Answer

Wait til you're ready. Have a talk with your husband about your hesitation.  Also remember you can still do things with a baby. Good luck to you!

Help me decide if I should TTC?

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