PTSD & ABUSE (TRIGGER)

Hey ladies! I hope everyone has enjoyed their holiday and have been feeling well! I always loved fourth of July but last year I was at a work/friends cookout at my friends house and I had been drinking (not drinking anymore! 7 months sober!) Well my older (48) friend (im 25) had been making me drinks after drinks and then from what I can remember we ended up in the bathroom. I can't remember if I said yes or if I said no but I feel like it's my fault because I had been drinking so much. After that he started texting me harassing me to see me and talk to him but I told my friend who threw the party and her husband "spoke" to him and he hasn't contacted me since nor have I seen him. I changed my phone number and blocked him. I have history of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse going back to my childhood up until my fiance now. I've been through this before but I feel like its my fault. I can't talk about it out loud because I just break down. Another incident happened while I was drinking 7 months ago, a factor of me getting sober. I have struggled with addiction all my life and I am doing so well now with my self harm and drinking and using. I never want to go back to that life again. I want to give my daughter the life I never had I don't want her to be taken away from me like me and my siblings were. She deserves everything and more. I don't want to be like my family. I want to break the cycle of years and years. But I'm having flashbacks and nightmares even though I'm on medication for it. I can't seem to get past it ):