It’s been a year but feels like it happened yesterday

My husband and I had a doctors appointment to listen to our baby’s heartbeat for the first time on May 2nd, 2017. We waited anxiously for the technician to find the baby with our phones ready to record. Ten minutes pass and they finally found her but something wasn’t quite right. She was measuring 6 weeks when I was suppose to be 12 weeks. They said that a gap is known to occur, but not this large of a gap. With no answers, they tell us to come back next week to see if there’s any change. On May 9th 2017, it was confirmed to be a failed pregnancy. They prescribed me medication to jump start the miscarriage since my body didn’t recognize that the baby was not viable. A few hours go by and I start to bleed heavily. But something was wrong, I continually bled very heavily and eventually passed out from too much blood loss (come to find out, I was anemic and the doctor failed to tell me or consider the risk of that specific medication). I spent 3 days in the hospital recovering and had to undergo a D&C; and received a couple blood transfusions.

Today, I was reminded of this tragic event throughout the entire day. Hearing people talk about their pregnancies or seeing pregnant women kills me inside. There are many days where I want to scream at people to tell them to shut the fuck up or tell them to talk about ANYTHING else but pregnancy and babies. But realistically, you can’t say that to people because you don’t want to take away their happiness just because you are unhappy.

Rest In Peace, Aubrey ❤️🌻👼🏽