kind of upset

I can't help but to be a bit upset that I won't get an ultrasound until I'm 11 weeks. especially with me being high risk with pre existing conditions. plus all of the heartbreaking stories on here about miscarriage and women looking their babies. this terrifies me and I'm constantly checking for blood or making sure my breasts are still sore. I just can't shake the fear. I tried for 4 years and this is my first. I really just want everything to be ok, I want to hear a heartbeat. but ill have to wait 3 more weeks. just trying to stay positive but its so hard. idk maybe its the hormomes but i really want to cry right now. every time I try and confide in my husband he just tells me im being crazy and that everytbing is going to be fine. he doesnt understand why I keep thinking about it. I can't expect him to understand I know that, I just feel so alone. idk thanks for reading I know its a long post.

7w 5d