Mothers visiting post-birth

Is anyone else having anxiety about their mothers visiting after birth?

Long rant about how upset I’m getting over my moms behavior and how I think she’s going to act when baby comes.

I currently live a 15 hour drive from my parents as my husband is in the military so we only get to see our families a few times a year. A little background, my mom has manic-depressive bipolar disorder which is actually reasonably maintained. But she always voices her concerns and anxieties over everything.

I have terrible dreams and anxieties that keep me up at night or bring me to tears because I’m nervous of how she will make me feel post birth. Judging from comments on events in the past I just imagine her saying things that get me upset. For as long as I can remember she has called me a brat, or now that I’m older a bitch. For little things like voicing my opinion that disagrees with her, calling her out when she’s being rude, or when something doesn’t go her way and I get blamed. I am very resentful of this and she still typically calls me this at least once when we visit each other and every time I get upset about it on the phone. I imagine her watching my daughter and calling her a brat or spoiled and it just breaks my heart because I would never want my daughter to feel put down and misunderstood. I imagine her asking loudly at a family dinner if I’m still pouring out blood week after baby is born. Or laughing at my husband when she hears him sing in the shower. Even now when I talk to her on the phone she is typically saying labor is awful, you just wait a few more weeks then you’ll be complaining, or god you were an awful kid and yours is going to be pay back, and how breastfeeding is going to be so painful and such torture for a little, just all around negative things about her experience. It’s like I can never get any positive encouragement from her. It’s like she has to put a dramatic spin on EVERYTHING just so she gets more attention and sympathy than anyone else. She is already complaining about how hot she’s going to be when she comes in September (to SC) and can I turn the air down, she’s gonna melt, she’s gonna die from the heat. Every single time we are on the phone. And I tell her the house is staying at a temperature that is comfortable with me and baby and she can bring appropriate clothes for the temp and sit under the fan but she’s not the one who will be pregnant in 100 degree heat with 109% humidity so I don’t really want to hear it. And then She scoffs and says ugh fine I’ll just suffer. It’s as if she only thinks about herself and it’s so frustrating to me.

My mind was literally racing last night about all the possible things she’s going to do or say to upset me when I’m in a fragile state and have a newborn. Around her, it will never be about me. And god forbid I have my own opinion or view on how things will go cause all I get is a laugh and “yeah right, why would you think that would happen” everything is a put down. I got so worked up last night I cried myself to sleep at how frustrated I am that I feel like I can’t enjoy anything because she’s going to turn it negative.

Baby’s not sleeping through the night. “Told you she would be bratty like you”

Using coconut oil instead of store bought baby creams “you really think that will work? Okay *eye roll*”

Gained a little extra in the first trimester “don’t get fat! I gained 80 pounds and if you keep it up you will too!”

Comes to visit for a week “I came to see the baby not clean your house” *dirty look from me* “I’m just kidding, gosh lighten up!.”

If she thinks she didn’t get enough time to hold the baby “ugh I’m the grandmother I should get to hold the baby. Its my turn”

Me and hubby wanting time to ourselves during visiting weeks “ugh you guys just like to be by yourself and don’t want to spend time with me. I’m offended.”

Using a swaddler instead of a blanket to swaddle “they never had those when you were a baby, you parents these days have it so easy”

Me not showering for 3 or more days “now honey that’s just gross, your baby is gonna think you’re dirty.”

The list goes ON!

This is the stuff that runs through my head. I can’t imagine one scenario where she just sits and enjoys what’s happening in the present without commenting on how I choose to do something or how tired we look or fat or annoyed. Or asking me if I’m worried about the 10 million things that don’t even matter right now.

I know this was a long winded post, but I’m wondering if I’m alone in being anxious about being put down for how I choose to raise my child as if someone else’s way is the only way to do it and the world will end if I do it my way. Or anyone else have mothers who are shoving their worries at you?