Gender Reveal Party

So this is kind of a long story, but I need advice. Last year when I got married, I did not want a bridal shower. I wasn’t having a huge wedding and didn’t want to invite anyone who wasn’t invited to the wedding. Plus, I don’t have a lot of friends and it felt like it would just be a huge embarrassment for me. Well, a month before, my maid of honor bought a house and decided she could not pay for anything that had to do with the shower so it fell on my other friend and mom. She then decided to throw a fit when she wasn’t allowed to have input on any of it afterwards. I got dragged into the drama and ended up helping plan something that was 1. Supposed to be a surprise and 2. Supposed to be about me. By the time it rolled around, I was dreading the whole entire thing. My friend that ended up planning it decided because she was vegan and paying for the cake she could get a vegan cake. Even though I am not vegan and no one else at the party was. Everything ended up being about someone else. It was all just kind of awful. I went home and cried to my now husband. He said I need to stand up for myself next time something like that happened... Well, cut to this year when I find out I’m pregnant. I never wanted a gender reveal party. Again, I don’t have a lot of friends and it makes me feel crappy having to think so hard to know who to invite. My mom, brothers girl friend, and an old family friend kept pushing and pushing until I finally snapped and said fine, we can have one. But my mom says we can’t know before the party because it’s “not fair” so we have to wait until the party which we don’t want to do because we don’t even want the party. On top of that, I HATE my brother’s girlfriend. She is awful to my mom and grandma, even though she lives with them all rent free. She owes everyone money and throws a huge fit when it’s brought up. I could go on but I just don’t want her involved so much in the planning but she is. Also, everything we like or want, gets shot down or we’d have to pay for it or on and on. I just feel like it is going down the same road as my bridal shower last year and I just don’t even know what to do anymore. Even typing this I’m in tears because of how upset I am. I know this is my mom’s first grand child and she is so excited but why do I have to keep sacrificing what I want? What do I do?