How can I possibly be grateful

Do you ever feel like God is cruel and unloving. Like you just got dealt a bad hand in life and your womb is empty out of God's spite. That gut wrenching feeling you get when you comfort a friend through their accidental pregnancy as they cry about the baby they dont want. Or when kids close to you are being abused and neglected while you wish you could just take them as your own. When you've tried your best and it feels like your life mostly consists of being drug down a glass street.

That was me. That was my testimony and what a sad one it was. I took advantage of Gods grace because I knew that when I was ready he would wait on me. I took myself to a place that I could not come back from. A pit of drugs, addiction, domestic violence, and absolute insanity. And I myself became unrecognizable.

I could not recover.

But one night I found myself in Arizona miles away from anyone who cared about me. And I cried out to God to save me. And he restored to me the life that I had sinned away. I MYSELF had sinned away.

2 years later, I have a husband who loves even the most unlovable parts of me. I have a career, a beautiful home, and many friends and family. And yet the second infertility hit my home, there was an overwhelming pressure to turn my back on God. Ladies, even if God never answers another prayer, if you never feel life in your womb, I beg of you don't turn your back on him. We are not entitled, we are not deserving, God has done enough. It is true, that he can take away the pain, he can give life But even if he doesn't trust him with all your heart.