I found out I was pregnant on May 1st. When I had my first ultrasound everything was normal and there was a good heartbeat. On my next 2 appointments I was told that it was too early in the pregnancy to hear the baby on a dopplar so I just assumed everything was fine. On Monday I woke up with some spotting and a UTI so I went in to the office for a check up. I read online that the UTI could cause spotting so I didnt think anything was wrong. The doctor tried to hear it on the dopplar again. I was 11w+2days and she seemed to think it might still be too early to hear it, but when she couldnt hear it she decided she wanted to use their really old ultrasound machine to try to find it. She said she could see something but it was very hard to tell what it was so she was going to send me to have a regular ultrasound done so I would know as soon as possible if everything was ok or not. This was all at 930am. So they get me in for an emergency ultrasound for a threatened miscarriage at 200pm and I can tell from the way that the tech is speaking to me but she said legally she couldnt give me any answers. So I had to wait until my doctor called me with the results. Well as you can imagine I was a total wreck. I waited until 430pm (the doctor office closes at 5pm) to start calling them myself for answers. They must have all been busy because it took me 3 attempts to get a nurse on the phone and then she transfered me to my doctor who had thought that her nurse had called me already. The doctor told me that there was no heartbeat and that the baby was only measuring 8weeks. I lost it. I was immediately drowning in every horrible emotion I could think of. She then went on to tell me that I could either pass it on my own or schedule a D & C. My first thought was that I didnt want to have surgery to have the baby that I wanted so horribly bad removed from my body, but my doctor referred me to a specialist who saw me yesterday and I quickly changed my mind when he told me that I would need to catch my baby and bring it in for medical testing. I was bawling uncontrollably at this point. I couldnt imagine already having such sorrow and then having to carry my dead baby to them. It might be easier for some people, I totally understand, but for me I felt that it would destroy me emotionally to a level that I would never return from. So I had the doctor schedule the D & C and went in bawling still this morning at 7am and I said a prayer and quietly told my baby to wait in heaven with Jesus and our loved ones that have passed before us until I can hold them in my arms. I chose to name the baby even tho I will never know the sex. Here is my memorial made from my ultrasound when things were still good. I want you all to know that my heart goes out to you for good and bad. I wish everyone the best always💜

edit** I never expected so many sweet responses. Thank you all of you for the love and support. We are all proud Moms of Angel babies and I just wanted to share this with you because I know its hard to feel strong but you are!