So I don't really know what I'm expecting to get out if this but I just really need some positive words I guess right now. I'm currently at university in the UK, technically classed as a mature student as I started when I was 21. I've worked since I was 17, still employed over 6 years later, I've had about 3/4 different jobs. My current is my longest, I've been there for almost 4 years.

I've also suffered with depression and anxiety since I was maybe about 10/11? I saw a psychiatrist when I was 15 and it helped me communicate with my mum but didn't do much else. I last self-harmed maybe about a month ago. It's not as frequent as when I was a teen but the fact I still have tendencies scares me. The reason I am writing this is because right now I feel like I am drowning. I'm currently working full time over summer, but for various different reasons I want to quit, mainly over the treatment of the staff. I have anxiety attacks thinking about going into work. I can't think clearly about anything and everything is just foggy. I need to look for a new job, but I have lost all my motivation to even look after myself. I can feel myself slipping into a really bad depressive state again- I'm overeating, I've stopped running which I used to love. I'm back home for summer and I move out again when the new semester starts, but the money i get for maintenance doesn't cover my rent so I have no option but to hold a job. Student finance say I'm not entitled to more money because of my parents' income, but they don't earn a lot (neither of them went to uni but have worked their whole lives). They don't have disposable income to help me.

Uni doesn't know I struggle with mental health and neither does student finance, but if I try to confide in friends I sort of get brushed off because I am doing quite well at uni and I don't present some of the more 'typical' symptoms of depression (I know that's a load of shit but we all know everyone has their own image of depression). Idk guys I'm at a loss. I want to do well but at the same time I want to give up. I'm motivated and not at the same time. I'm overwhelmed by everything and can't focus on anything. I just want some positive words... has anyone else been in my shoes? How did you manage to look after your mental wellbeing and look after your finances? I'm sorry if this is long and confusing I just feel lost and I just want some encouragement that it gets better and I'll come out the other side because right now I can't see that I will