Hello all,

This may be kinda lengthy, but I need a place to tell my story! I have a beautiful daughter. She was born 6 weeks early weighing only 2 lbs. She had a 2 month NICU stay. The stay was very traumatic on baby and my hubby and I. I said I was never getting pregnant again because I wouldn't want to risk the baby with preterm labor (I had preeclampsia and if we didn't do emergency c section she would've passed away). Slowly watching my daughter grow and flourish I was slowly was talking myself into the idea of a third pregnancy (we miscarried early at 6weeks in May of 2016 we conceived my daughter in August 2016). We always said we would try again when my daughter turned 1.

January 2018, I started not getting my periods.. I thought I was pregnant I took several test and the all came back NEGATIVE. I scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist she also took blood test and regular test, NEGATIVE. So she said she thinks I had polyps. On February 28, 2018 (4 days after my daughter's 1st birthday) I returned to the gynecologist for a test to see if I did have polyps. Before they did the test they did a urine sample test, NEGATIVE, and they did an ultrasound, there was no baby. She did the test and I had 2 fairly large polyps. She told me to schedule a surgery to remove the polyps. The date was March 20, 2018. So March 20, 2018 comes and I'm prepped and ready for surgery. The nurses however were acting kinda funny. One nurse said "I'm going to get your husband and y'all wait for the doctor to come talk to you." I told her my mom is out there too. She said I'll get your husband first. He comes back there and then my doctor walks in and says "she wasn't doing the surgery today because I was PREGNANT!" I start freaking out because she told me earlier if we didn't remove the polyps I had a high chance of miscarriage/not conceiving. She told she would monitor me closely! I asked how far along I was she said based off the last negative test she took in the office I was only about 4 weeks. She told me to come in the next day and she'll do an ultrasound but may not see much. I went back the next day for the ultrasound and I was 8 weeks pregnant!! When I was pregnant with my daughter I was so sick from early in the pregnancy so me being almost 2 months pregnant and not knowing I was shocked! My guess was the baby was going to be a boy! I spent from week 8-week 11 having a great 1st trimester.

Here's were the stories turns for the worst. At 11 weeks I was shopping and I felt little gushing down there. So I just left everything and went straight to my car. As soon as I opened my door I started gushing really bad. I looked down and it was blood. I jumped in and called my OB. I told her. I was gushing blood and I think I'm losing the baby. I was hysterical. She told me to come to the office and she will do and ultrasound. I get to the office and she sees me still gushing and sat me down to take a look. The baby was fine! PTL! However, I had a subchronic hemorrhage that was about 6cm long. She told it was common and that it shouldn't result in harm to my baby just to take it easy! So i did and the bleeding stop. A week later I went back and the hemorrhage was bigger, but baby was growing and doing fine! At 14 weeks I started bleeding again. I went in to check on the baby, but it wasn't my normal OB and she just did a Doppler and heard the heartbeat and set me in my way, and said I still have the hemorrhage so that's why I'm bleeding. She asked when my next appointment was I said the following Tuesday for my gender reveal she said all is well my doctor will see me next week. I felt something was wrong though.

Sunday morning, May 20, 2018, 4 days after hearing the baby's heartbeat. I woke up with really bad cramps and pains. I told my husband and he told me to call the after hours for my doctor. I told him I was going to shower first maybe that would relieve the pain. I was mid shower and I screamed for my husband. I said the pain was bad I was calling. I was on the phone with the nurse and she was taking info when suddenly I started passing clots, and then my husband started screaming that he saw the baby and he fell to the floor to catch the baby I was standing inside the shower still. We called 911 and they were there in minutes. The medics let my husband cut the cord and they let me me hold the baby while we drove to the hospital. The medic asked me did what were we hoping for? I told him a boy because we have our daughter and a boy would make our family complete. He looked but told me he couldn't tell this early at 15 weeks. He was being nice and knowing I would start bawling again because when we got to the hospital my doctor immediately said the baby was a boy! My doctor couldn't give me a for sure reason to why we lost our son, Charlie, but she said she sees us having healthy pregnancies down the road.

I about sent her out the room i didn't want to hear that! After losing two babies to miscarriage and my daughter was almost a stillbirth.. I feel like something is wrong with my body. She said it is probably the polyps. She said I could've had them since before I was evening trying to conceive and they caused all this. I'm confused, hurt, I want my Charlie back, I want to try again, I don't want to try again. I can't handle another pregnancy loss. Charlie's passing put me in a very dark place and I'm slowly coming out of! But I also feel like we were supposed to have more kids. Any thoughts? Words or encouragement?