So here’s a little back story to help you understand, me an my boyfriend have been together 9 months. We argue a lot he has anger issues and I have a pretty bad temper too. Throughout these 9 months hes done quite a bit of cheating and infidelity. Some of it was just texting/ calling / pictures some of it was physical. I didn’t know it at the time but in december he slept with his ex gf, and again in march without my knowledge again. I didn’t find this out until we broke up for the second time in april. I left, I was done. he said he was going out with friends and went out with her, I blocked his number and all his accounts I was finished with him. But somehow , someway he text me off his brothers phone and said all the right things. I should’ve blocked that number too. I love him to death and on top of all that he’s very manipulative. so I unfortunately gave in. We’ve been together since

So since then everything has actually been good. We spend like every day together. He’s my best friend. Until yesterday. His mom texted him asking if he was home, and i opened it bc I was gonna reply to her for him because he was asleep(before anyone says anything about invasion of privacy, I have permission to be in his phone whenever I please)

and I seen that him and his ex gfs old text thread was deleted. i woke him up and asked him about it. I said please tell me were you texting her? he said “not for the reasons your thinking” I got mad and tried to walk away and he grabbed me trying to comfort me etc. We began arguing and he completely denied that he ever said he was texting her!?! like wtf I heard you. He then admitted that a week ago she called him on his birthday and he answered and they had a small conversation. This upset me because I asked him to not be in contact with her at all. I told him I wanted to break up, and we got in the car for me to take him home, he’s crying saying he loves me and wants to be with me etc but he always does that when he cheats.

He grabbed a pocket knife I had in my car and started cutting his arm !! I grabbed in from

him immediately but he’s crying and screaming saying he’s gonna kill him self

when he gets home and just totally freaking out. Prior to this I seen a note in his phone basically talking about how he hates his life and wants to die etc and it broke my heart. So idk what to do. I didn’t want to take him home because i was rlly worried about him killing him self . I don’t want to be with him but I do love him and definitely don’t want him dead. So out of pity I calmed him and told him i forgive him and now we’re together. But I don’t want to be, I don’t trust him i don’t want to deal with worrying about his ex gf I don’t wanna do this anyfucking more!!💔 and he’s making me the bad guy for leaving when he did it... crying and screaming about how he needs me and i’m all he has .. which is unfortunately true because he lives with his grandparents and they don’t care much about him. I love him but I don’t want to be with him and I don’t think it’s fair to stay out of pity 😣 someone help

please