well happy Fourth of July America! happy Independence Day! except today wasn't a good day for me. i survived hellp and severe pre-e almost 3 months ago. I battle with high BP still. even with medication it can get higher than wanted. I was pretty damn healthy before. over weight yes but healthy otherwise and losing weight. and now I have a few different health issues. I'm struggling with that. I work for Walmart as a Customer Service Manager so I'm constantly on my feet, getting yelled at for whatever the hell a customer wants to tell at me for, and running around the store, doesn't help my BP...

So there's that...

My son wasn't so lucky. I had to deliver at 27 weeks on April 10th after battling a fast onset and rapid decline of severe pre-e and class 2 HELLP for a week. There was also something wrong with the placenta so he wasn't getting the oxygen and nutrients like he should have... He was so little... 1 lb 2 oz 10.5 inches long... So little...

When we found out about him, we found out we were due July 11th. I was so excited for maybe an Independence day baby. And would even giggle at the thought of feeling him move while watching fireworks or what if something crazy happened like my water braking while sitting in the middle of the field watching them! I was so excited... I should've been sitting in a field feeling my precious baby move and jump at the cracks of the fireworks tonight. I should've been waddling to find the perfect spot. I should still be pregnant. My baby should still be growing, preparing to make his way into the world.

But he's not... My baby isn't...

I feel so robbed...