Lately I’ve been feeling horrible about myself. My youngest is 9 months today and my stomach is still saggy. The stretch marks I can deal with. My boobs aren’t as perky as they were before I had my two daughters. My skin isn’t horrible but I have acne scars. My hair never looks right. Nothing looks good on me and I feel fat and ugly. Even when I do my makeup or dress up I feel the same. I hate myself so much.

My boyfriend and I got into a fight over something stupid. He went to bed because he has work in the morning and after cleaning all day, making dinner and taking care of our two girls I thought I’d chill and watch tv instead of going with him. We live in a two bedroom apartment and because of water damage from the people above us we don’t have any doors until they get fixed. Well the girls were wide awake so I thought I’d stay up until they fell asleep in the living room and watch tv. He kept asking me to come to bed and making excuses to talk to me. I told him i was doing him a favor by keeping the girls in here and making it quite so he could get some sleep. He kept up and then eventually started calling me an ass and all that and saying he just wanted to cuddle. He always complains about how tired he is so I thought I was doing him a favor and doing the right thing :(

It got late and the girls calmed down and fell asleep. He woke up and started being shitty with me and we eventually got into a fight: I wanted to avoid it so I wasn’t as into the fight as he was. He then told me to go fuck myself and it hurt my feelings so I said yeah go fuck yourself too already accepting all I did today didn’t matter and he wanted a fight. He then replied “yeah i do fuck my self because I’d rather do that then fuck you. It’s better than fucking you. I wish i never stuck my dick in you” i was so shocked and heartbroken that I just rolled over and started crying to myself silently. He then pulled my blanket off me and said other things I couldn’t hear out of shock. We use different blankets because he hogs them. Later on he pulled the blanket over me but it still upset me.

I woke up in the middle of the night because I remembered I forgot to make his lunch. I made it them wrote a note that said I love you to the moon 🌙 and back. And he threw it away this morning and took the lunch. I know it’s stupid but it hurt because I still wanted to write him something sweet because he said my notes made him smile and made his day, even after What he said to me.

I already feel like crap about myself and now all I can think of is he doesn’t like having sex with me and thinks I’m gross. And wondering how this will effect our sex life. I’m so heartbroken.

Should i be upset or is this just something said out of anger? I always heard you say the truth when angry. But I’ve been really mad before and said horrible things I don’t mean out of anger. What do i do? I love this man so much but I can’t stop hurting or wanting to cry.

Also just wanted to put this out here because on my other post someone said i was overreacting: for those saying I overreacted and all he wanted to do was cuddle. This man asks for me to stay up with the kids because they keep him up and he’s always saying how tired he is. I am currently fighting off bronchitis, I’m horribly sick to the point I can hardly breathe and I have asthma so I have a medicated inhaler for the bronchitis. I still cleaned and rearranged everything so he can come home to a clean house and cooked a ham dinner for him. I don’t complain much but the goal was for him to go to bed early so he’d feel better. I was thinking of him. He asked me to come in the room with him and I did and let him cuddle with me for a few minutes but I have kids who follow me so i kissed all over his face and asked if he needed anything. He said no so I went back to laying down with the girls on the couch and watching tv. Our living room is right next to our room, with no doors he can literally see me on the couch. He kept saying how he wanted to watch tv with me snd i was doing this to get back at him. I kept telling him i was just getting the girls to bed because it takes a lot to get them to fall asleep and the process keeps him up so I said to wait for them to fall asleep and I’d cuddle him. Then when they finally fell asleep he was rude and said all that. So in the end I didn’t get to help him out on getting sleep and we fought. I then woke up to make his lunch and thought I’d be the better person by making it still and writing a note. I just hate fighting with him. He was the one overreacting by crumbling my notes and throwing them away where I’d sees it but still taking the lunch. He always saves my notes and pins them ip at work 😞

I really just thought i was doing something good and it turned out horrible. Idk what to do.