Feeling so alone

My boyfriend has done some bad things in the past but I’ve forgiven him for them, but the problem is internally I haven’t forgiven him. What he messed up about was hiding things from me which makes me feel like “did he actually stop hiding things from me or is he still just hiding them and that’s why I don’t know” its making me so paranoid!! I can’t keep bringing it up cause I know it’s not healthy to bring up the past or torment him for things I “forgave” him for, but I’m asking like for my own mental health, how can I get over this paranoia?? I love him but sometimes it makes me feel like he’s not the one if I can’t get over this anxiety! Please help!