Hello,

I miscarried on April 10th at 16 weeks 3 days with my little boy, Rylan. My due date would have been September 21st. I’ve struggled a lot with this. It had already been a tough few months for me before I lost him. I’m currently on medication for anxiety/depression, not that it helps. I can’t sleep or I stay up all night and sleep till 1 or 2 in the afternoon. I am a teacher and upon finding out the news I was expecting I resigned from my position to be a stay at home mom. After losing my baby I realized I couldn’t stay at an empty home. I have already put in to take off on my should’ve been due date. I figure I will spend that day laying in bed, depressed all day, and for the weekend. It doesn’t help my sister in law just had her baby and is a crap mom who never has her kids. So I get to see her be a “Facebook” mom. You know those ones who post pictures and things about how much they love their kids but then they hardly ever have them. I have a daughter with my husband who will be 6 September 7th. I try to be strong and keep my composure for her. But lately life just sucks. There is no good. I hate being a teacher, I hate being at the school. I wanted to stay home and had the option to stay home but figured what good would it do me to stay home and do nothing but lay in bed all day. I’m finding it harder and harder to be happy about anything...getting out of bed is a struggle. Not sure what I did to deserve this pain to deserve my child dying. My ob can’t even tell me what caused this...so now I have to worry about it happening to another baby. If I didn’t have my daughter or husband...I probably wouldn’t even be here anymore. Sometimes i just wish I had died instead of my baby.

Sorry for all this. Just needed to vent. My husband recently started a new job in the oilfield again and is gone a lot which doesn’t help. But financially we need all the money we can make.