relapsing

so about a year ago I met my boyfriend we became Best friends immediately and then just kinda started dating he is the love of my life and he saved me from me, before I met him I would starve myself so I would lose weight and it was working so I kept doing it and I was also depressed I didn't want to be alive anymore I didn't want to leave my bed anymore I was going through a really hard time I had no one I had no friends but one not joking I was hurt mentally I lost 40 lbs because I would just skip breakfast and lunch and barely eat dinner well after I met him I looked at life way different I was no longer sad and starving myself he helped me love who I am and helped me gain so much confidence well as of recently all I can think about is my weight and how I want to lose it lately every I eat I just feel so damn sick like I can't eat so I'm starting to lose weight again my mom was yelling at me about it yesterday like she used to do before I met my now boyfriend it just makes me feel bad I'm not trying to make myself sick what do I do? and I'm sorry if the grammar is not the best it's not my strong suit thank you 😊