sex after sexual abuse

I don't know what else to do about this so I figured I might as well ask for advice. I was molested by my grandfather when I was around 10 years old and as I got older anything mildly sexual would trigger flashbacks. eventually I told my mom after about fours years and I went to therapy and have been seeing the same therapist for five years. One of my exs molested me knowing what happened when I was 17 and I soon after broke up with him. (I didn't want to make it this long but the background is kind of needed) eventually I got with my boyfriend Jake who I've been with for 2 years and helped me through so much eventually I was about to have sex with him.(shorted down because it was very hard to at first and lots of stuff happened) after awhile I no longer had flashbacks and the sexual abuse no longer effected me too much minus anger. So fast forward to recently everything is mostly normal and my mental health was great until I found out my grandfather died . from then on everything went to shit. I started to shut down because everything was coming back and I remembered everyone on my dads side of the family didn't care what he did minus a select few. plus I never fully talked to anyone about how I felt about the abuse and how I'm coping because there was so many other things to talk about in therapy plus I was always very uncomfortable talking about it until recently. then sex was super uncomfortable and I didn't tell Jake so I just pushed through it hating every minute of it because I physically felt nothing. but once I told him and stopped pretending, our sex life has been non existent for two months. I talked to my therapist and I guess just need to go at my pace and I should focus on my mental health. but I feel so bad because we had such a good sex life and it helps Jake relive stress and helps him sleep. I just dont know what to do about any of this and hate how I don't know why I can't just get back in the swing of things